Free Podcast Novel

Here’s the final chapter of King of Earth and Moon. Thanks to everyone who has hung on; I never dreamed it would take me nearly a year to finish this thing. When I started doing this my wife wasn’t pregnant. Now, we have a two-month old daughter. Where does the [...]

One more chapter left. Thanks for listening!

If you hear a baby crying in the background, you’ll understand why this episode is so late. Two more chapters left!

Apologies for the delays. I decided to go ahead and record, even though conditions weren’t perfect. I’ll try to knock out the rest of the episodes in the next couple of weeks. After this one, three chapters remain. Thanks for listening!

Many people thought space was, like, totally empty.  The Kid knew otherwise.  He’d watched the Discovery Channel enough to know that even in the remotest parts of space, there were some particles shooting around.  Spssh, like, even if no particles happened to come into an area, there was still the whole quantum thing.  The Kid [...]

There was something about Nanako the madam that Mick Aloha liked.  She was old—if he had to guess, he’d say she was pushing 50—but there was something hot and dirty about her, something that made Aloha want to please her. “No, ma’am, I’ve never danced on the moon.  I’m not a dancer; I’m more of a [...]

Dowell hated Aloha’s driving. Even in the most normal, calm situations, Aloha drove like someone was chasing him. When someone was chasing him—which was the current situation—he drove even worse. Dowell wondered if Aloha was even looking at the road. He wondered if Aloha feared death, or even understood it [...]

Like, spshhh, like, what do you mean?  Spsshh, like, the Kid, like had turned his head, but he could, like, totally see what was happening.  Like, like, like, like, like, like, spsshh.  What do you mean what do you mean what do you mean? The Kid could totally see what was happening in a reflection [...]

When gods got angry, bad things started to happen. Aloha was privy to mythology. He knew all about the Greek, Roman, and Norse gods. He also read up on religion, so he was privy to most world religions. Aloha knew the Old Testament God got angry and turned people into salt. [...]

What the nationalist perverts didn’t know, and what would probably lead to their downfall, was that the Kid was privy to being shocked.  Damn it, that was Aloha’s word.  Anyway, Aloha had shocked the Kid enough times for him to develop a resistance to it.  Like, spsshh, it still hurt, of course, but it hadn’t [...]

When Apocalypse Dowell was hungry, it made him crazy.  It happened a lot, especially on airplanes and at weddings.  He wondered how people who were poor and had little to eat managed to remain sane.  A headache was starting to grow in the back of his head; being around Aloha was making it worse. James returned [...]

On a dark street in Kyoto, Aloha checked under the van. There were five dead cyborgs; that had to be a new record. There were no dead ninjas, though. That was good. He was still hoping to make it with at least one of them, if not both, and killing them [...]

This was easily the best run of the Kid’s life.  Like, no one would believe how fast he was running.  He was running from the cyborg, which made him run faster than usual.  Maybe that was the trick.  Maybe every time he ran, he should try to get a cyborg to chase him.  Then, he’d [...]

WARNING!  This episode contains innuendo and a few words that are not work/kid-safe. Apologies to Lord Kaosu. Apocalypse Dowell was sick of Japanese TV.  It was all the same.  They ran variety shows where pseudo-celebrities talked about boring crap.  Almost every show had some mention of food.  It was so boring, Dowell had found himself just staring [...]

Google doc of the text so far. Mick Aloha had been a messiah for only a week, but already he felt he was an expert at it.  All you had to do was say things, and everyone interpreted them and thought they were really important.  Already his followers, the former kappa followers, were writing a Gospel [...]